Came for the squees, stayed for the analysis

Hi! I’m still figuring out this tumblr thing – technology and I have always had a love/hate relationship – but I love to chat and geek out with people; feel free to drop me a line.

What you’ll mainly see on this blog: fandom-related stuff (primarily fantasy, sci-fi, and procedural mystery), history, social justice/feminism, cute animals, and random things that I think are interesting.

Since learning (and unlearning) is a lifelong process, when I inevitably say something that is ignorant, offensive, and/or incorrect in any way, please feel free to call me out on it. I will always apologize and always do my best to not repeat my mistakes.

You can also find me on FF.N and AO3 as Phosphorescent, and on LJ as naidheachd.
Recent Tweets @

gallifreyglo:

birdlovesafish:

Real talk who lines up Ichy’s beard? It’s always SUPER crisp and sexy.

Does he have a barber? What if Abbie goes to one of those salons that also has a barber and he goes and gets trimmed up while she’s getting her hair pressed and flat ironed, and then while he waits for her to get done he reads trashy magazines. Like OMG. I would squeal with delight.

birdlovesafish Completely enedited… but here you go!

justjaybaby iamdust

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Abbie sat in the waiting area of her salon and glanced over her magazine at Ichabod who was sitting in the barber’s chair, being attended to by the ever-fabulous proprietor of Chez Sebastian.  She’d known him Sebastian since high school and having never gotten used to his given name, still called him “Hickey” when others were around, as was the case this evening.

Ichabod on the other hand had immediately won Sebastian’s heart by calling him Sébastien with a heavy French pronunciation. “Oooh!” he’d squealed. “Say that again! You make it sound all sexy and shit!” Ichabod indulged him and earned the nickname, “James Bond”.

She lifted the copy of Essence Magazine she was reading and hid a snort and giggle behind its pages before looking over at her partner again.   Crane was sitting as still as a statue; desperately trying not to sneeze or twitch his lip at the vibrations of the electric trimmer under his nose and on his upper lip. He’d made that mistake on his first visit and hadn’t stopped complaining about the state of his facial hair until it filled in a week and a half later.

“There you go, baby!”  Sebastian said, handing Ichabod a mirror. “I left it long in the back like you wanted, but you really gotta let me do my magic on this head of yours sometime.  This Fabio thing you got going on makes me want me to weep.”   He smoothed Crane’s hair back at the sides of his head to approximate a shorter style. “I mean… could make you look like James Bond, James Bond!  You would look a.maz.ing with a little color and maybe some short spikes on top.  I’ll even give you some product to take with you.”

Ichabod looked up at the magenta streaks in the front of Sebastian’s hair and then over to Abbie with alarm.

“No color, Hickey. No spikes. No product” She said, stepping in to rescue her terrified co-Witness. “Crane is a simple man, with simple needs.”

“Indeed!” Ichabod said, finally regaining the use of his tongue. He ran his hand over his beard and studied his profile.  “However, as usual you have astounded me with the precision of your barbering.  It is a marvel!  Benjamin Franklin hims___ “  He felt the glare coming from Abbie’s direction without even looking at her. “No name-dropping the founding fathers, Crane!”  He remembered her saying.

“Erm… that is to say… I would gladly… erm… tip you… with currency emblazoned with the likeness of your…” He winced. “great Statesman, Benjamin Franklin… for your fine work… if it were up to me.”  He stood and brushed his coat and glanced at Abbie whose raised an eyebrow at him and mouthed “Nice save!” at him.

“Honey, I already told you I’m not leaving my husband for ya, but if you’re throwing hundreds around, I just might put you on speed dial!”  He gently pushed Ichabod in the direction of the waiting area and motioned to Abbie while lowering the chair in front of him.  “You’re next!”

As low as the seat was, Abbie still had to hop a bit to get into it.  He was about to put a cape on her when he got a closer look at her hair.  “What… In…  Beyonce’s name… did you do… to your hair?!” He grabbed a hold of hair and used it to angle her face up toward him.

“I had a little accident… at the… library….” She realized how ridiculous that sounded and braced for his reaction.

“In the library?!” he exclaimed, then muttered to himself, “ In the library!”

“What, did someone dunk your head in the toilet?”  Not giving her a chance to respond, he let go of her hair, wiped his hands on a towel and threw it on the ground. “Uh-uh…  You know what? I don’t even wanna know! Get up… get up, up, up!“ and directed her toward the washing station.

Two hours and fifteen minutes of washing, conditioning, hood drying, blow drying, eating, and chatting later and Abbie was back in the chair to have her hair straightened.

Ichabod looked on with curiosity, but increasingly became more agitated.  His fingers twitched and he fidgeted in his chair as Sebastian absentmindedly parted and flat ironed small sections of her hair while talking about the latest episode of Scandal.

After a few minutes he cast aside the copy of last September’s Ebony he was flipping through and sat forward in his chair, looking very much as if he wanted to say something, but was restraining himself.

“Everything OK, Crane?” Abbie asked. “I know it takes a while, but it looks like I should be done in another hour or so. Right, Hickey?”  Sebastian nodded in response.  “Could be much worse! I used to wait four hours just to get in the chair, before Hickey stopped quadruple booking clients.”

“Mmm-hmm” he agreed,  “Now I just charge you heffer’s four times as much and go home early!”  He laughed and spritzed her hair before running the flat iron over it, causing it to sizzle.

Ichabod had barely followed the conversation and winced as the smell of hot hair wafted toward him.  “No, it is not…” He stopped himself and began again, this time laying on the charm. “Sébastien, I do not wish to impugn the skill with which you transform Miss Mills’ coiffure, however…”

“English, James Bond!” Sebastian interrupted, exasperated. “American English!”

Crane cleared his throat, stood and walked toward Abbie and Sebastian, hands clasped behind his back.  “I just thought that as Miss Mill’s hair is in its natural state, you might perhaps achieve a better result if you… erm… ran a comb through the section of Miss Mills’ hair first, and applied some tension before using the heating implem… the flat iron. I believe the method is called “comb chasing”.

Abbie and Sebastian looked at each other, then stared at Ichabod in shock; their mouths hanging open.  Unaware of their reaction, Ichabod continued.

“Also, I noticed that you applied an oil to her scalp and hair, but did not use anything with moisture before this.  Her style will last much longer if it has some sort of moisturizer, then the oil, which will seal the strands.  It will also keep her hair healthier in the long term.  I have seen some women whose locks would make Lady Godiva jeal…”  He stopped and looked down at his companions’ face.  “What is it? What is wrong?! I did not wish to offend you, have I done so?!”

“Crane?! What in the the hell?!” Is all Abbie could manage at the moment.

“Didn’t you know, baby girl?” Sebastian laughed, “James Bond is a stylist to the stars!”

“Right. Perhaps I should explain, that as I have regrettably be unable to offer my services to the police, I found myself quite bored one day and (intrigued by the seemingly magical qualities of you and your dear sister’s hair) I took it upon myself to watch a tutorials on The YouTube on the intricate, diverse and often temperamental nature of African hair. While clearly I am not as skilled as our esteemed barber…,” he made a slight bow to Sebastian, “The methods for styling coiled hair appear to have changed in the last several decades and I do feel after three days and sixteen hours of intense study, I have detected a certain pattern….”

“Sixteen hours, Crane?!  You watched sixteen hours of black hair videos on Youtube?” Abbie said in shock.

“Yes, Miss Mills!” Ichabod said with self-conscious exasperation. “As I said, I have been plagued with boredom since your new sheriff has banned me from performing my duties as Wit… Historical consultant.  One must occupy themselves somehow, mustn’t one?  

This study is as good as any other!”

Abbie raised her hands in resignation, “Alright, Alright! Fair enough!”

Sebastian pursed his lips and gestured at Ichabod with his comb.  “Ok, Vidal Sassoon. Show us what you’ve got!”

“Firstly,” He said, grabbing the comb from his hand. “ The tines on this comb are far too small for her type of hair. I believe that while your sister is a 3a, you are a 4c, Miss Mills. I took it upon myself to type your hair from the strands in your comb while you were otherwise engaged.  (I trust that was not an unforgivable intrusion on your privacy.) Your hair is very delicate and must be treated with the utmost care…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten minutes later and an argument erupted in the as Sebastian continued straightening Abbie’s hair using some, but discarding most of his “helpful” advice.

“No! No! Olivia belongs with Jake!” Sebastian insisted, “She’s too good to be some man’s side ho!”

“I will deduce from your tone that the “Ho” you are referring to is not the gardening implement.  However I must insist that the President Fitz is a much better match for Miss Pope, despite the unfortunate reality of his marriage to Mellie.” Ichabod sat forward in his chair and continued. “While he is no paragon of virtue, I submit that his dedication to his purpose – serving as President of the United States, indicates there is still some fiber of goodness and humanity in him which can be salvaged by Miss Pope who is, I believe, his true soul mate and equal.  Mr. Ballard, on the other hand, is violent, crude, unkempt, boorish, manipulative and wholly untrustworthy given his underhanded dealings with B613!”

Ichabod paused in the middle of his diatribe, having found himself becoming more angry than perhaps was warranted given the fictional nature of the people being discussed.  An image of a tall thin man with poorly maintained hair and a smug smile popped into his head and he quickly pushed it out.

Abbie raised an eyebrow at him as if to ask if he were OK and he continued. “Erm… At any rate, I await the day when Miss Pope is finally able to be with her lover unencumbered and if this does not happen after the time I have invested in this story I shall channel my anger into writing a chirp so infectious that it bring Miss Shonda Rhimes and her minions to their knees!”  

Caught off guard by Abbie and Sebastian’s laughter, he looked to each of their faces for an explanation. “What?! What did I say? Does one not chirp with the tiny blue bird in short missives?”

Abbie calmed herself before responded. “I think you mean a tweet and I think you want it to “go viral”, not infectious.  But good for you for sticking up for your beliefs on soap opera plots!  I’m so proud of you.”  Abbie hair now finished, she stood to look at herself in the mirror.

“You know what?! I think I change my mind, baby girl!” Sebastian said. “I’m kicking my man to curb.  How would you like to be my next husband?”

“As flattering as that is, my dear Sébastien, I fear that my dance card is already quite full.” Ichabod replied, oddly solemn for such a lighthearted conversation.

Abbie looked up from her purse and into the glass.  She could have sworn she caught a glimpse of Ichabod staring intently at her, but when she turned to face him, he had already looked away.

amuzed1:

rainaweather:

tastefullyoffensive:

[stjredstorm]

I was so confused

I was really about to ask “well what the hell are they, then?”Then I looked closer.

amuzed1:

rainaweather:

tastefullyoffensive:

[stjredstorm]

I was so confused

I was really about to ask “well what the hell are they, then?”

Then I looked closer.

(via daeneryssedai)

autisticgarbage:

Will my white mutuals please, for the love of God, stop reblogging posts with other white people saying fuckboy in it?

It’s AAVE. It’s being appropriated from black people. It’s disrespectful.

And honestly, if you need an example of why appropriation of black people’s langauge is bad, fuckboy is a great recent example.

(via feministrhymeswithwitch)

The Flash and Jane the Virgin get full season order at CW.

“We have had a fantastic start to our season this year, with The Flash launching as our most-watched series premiere ever, and Jane the Virgin recognized as the best new show this season by critics across the country. Over the past three seasons, we have made it our mission to grow and to broaden out our audience, and to keep raising the bar with the quality and impact of our new shows, and The Flash and Jane have both exceeded our expectations on all counts” network president Mark Pedowitz said in a statement.

(via spookybendings)

Asker greenatlas Asks:
American Jews complaining about "the holocaust" when 1. Jews weren't the only ones in those camps, 2. Some of them assisted Hitler financially 3. Some of them were major participants and benefactors in the transatlantic slave trade 4. the white Jews in "the Jewish state" are given social status over the native and Ethiopian Jews 5. They illegally sterilized Ethiopian Jewish women without their knowledge or consent and murder Palestinian civilians, harvest their organs and sell them.
phosphorescent-naidheachd phosphorescent-naidheachd Said:

littlegoythings:

pumpernickelandcoal:

returnofthejudai:

phosphorescent-naidheachd:

More of greenatlas’ ask:

6. Some Jewish Americans leave the United States to serve in the military of the “Jewish state”. knowing full well of its war crimes 7. They currently have migrant Africans in concentration camps and refer to them as infiltrators. Now, imagine if African Americans complained about slavery while at the same owning their own slaves (say Mexican slaves, for example). Everyone would pounce and call them animals, savages, hyprocrites but white Jews the world over support and finance this inhumanity.

W o w, I love it when blogs uncritically publish antisemitic tripe, thus tacitly saying that they agree with it.

1. Jews are aware that they weren’t the only ones in the camps. In fact, *gasp*, Jews are the main people who point this out. The only time the majority of society cares about these other victims of the Holocaust, however, is when Jews are talking about Jewish victims - and then they insist that Jews are being exclusionary by taking time to mourn and remember their own.

2. Jews assisted Hitler financially in the sense that, y’know, a lot of them had all their worldly goods seized and used by Nazis. Also, yay! Let’s blame the Jews for their own destruction! It’s not as though we’ve heard that rhetoric before.

3. Some. Some. SOME. Proportionately very few. Please look at this post for more information on how that lovely story got started. (Hint: it involves a book that has been described as “The Bible of new anti-semitism.”) 

I’m not going to touch on #4-#7 because I don’t feel qualified. Anyone else want to take this? I’ll just add that while there are so many legitimate criticisms to be made of Israel, I feel like — in the context of this post, at least — OP is only criticizing Israel to have another reason to dislike Jews. (And that’s not even getting into the fact that diasporic Jews as a whole have nothing to do with Israel’s actions.)

Oh, and I love the hypothetical proposed in #7. As if people the world over don’t already call Jews “animals, savages, and hypocrites,” regardless of their political views.

STFU OP. I don’t know why you felt the need to post this rant or what purpose it’s supposed to serve, but it’s gross and antisemitic as hell. And frankly, I find it terrifying that people are reblogging the original post of this and agreeing with it

littlegoythings and returnofthejudai, anything either of you want to add?

I love the scare quotes around “The Holocaust.” Yeah. This person is just a fucking anti-semite. They probably don’t even care if I call them that. This is basically a collection of incredibly grotesque attempts to find the worst possible stories possible and painting an entire people with it. They probably read nothing but anti-Jewish conspiracy sites and will dismiss any possible counter-argument because that’s what they want to do. 

I could pick any oppressed group, find the most anti-whoever site possible, list all the most grotesque possible stories I can find, and collectively blame absolutely everyone in that group for it. This comes from a mind-set that can’t function with the possibility that people in a given group can have a mix of good and bad people. Instead it’s necessary for the world to have pure-heroes and irredeemable villains as defined by ethnicity rather than personal actions.

Since this person has “Holocaust” in scare quotes, though, and uses “White Jew” pejoratively, it implies that they are so desperate to hate White Jews that they are willing to treat the murder of millions of us as insignificant and non-oppressive because that would require living in a world of complexity rather than in a world where one can get drunk off of hatred and consider it to be a form of rightousness. 

This person isn’t worth your time of day unless it’s to apologize. 

RE: 4, 5, and 7— Can we bring back the point that these assholes don’t care about antisemitism against Jews of Color EITHER? They only care about Jews of Color when they’re trying to score points against white-passing Jews.

Also, “native and Ethiopian Jews” is so fucking gross— native Jews? I assume they mean Mizrachi, but they’re basically lumping Jews into three categories based on their super US-centric concept of the racial divide without any concept of how colorism and Ashkenazi-centrism ACTUALLY manifests.

Half of this ask blames Jews for our own oppression, and the other half hijacks and misreports current political goings-on in order to make Jews look bad (because of course, Israel = all Jews ever. Ever ever. Period.)

I am deeply annoyed that a blog supposedly about poking holes in white racist bs will insist on looking at a (mostly non white) diverse ethnic group with “intro to tumblr” US framing. It’s racist, it’s bullshit, and the fact that this ask passed “the smell test” on this blog means those moderaters need to do some very deep searching about their own internalized antisemitism, not just the empty-headed fool who sent it in in the first place.

Goyim gonna goy.

I just noticed that the first person who was targeted was Maria Hill? and She was watching that

(via typhoidmeri)

theorlandojones:

I’ve been on Tumblr for 387 days. I’ve made 824 posts. I currently have 61,348 followers.

During my time on this platform I’ve posted many things that were silly, many that were heartfelt and a number of things (either posted here or posted on Twitter and referenced here by others) that were problematic.

Yesterday was an example of the latter.

During last night’s live tweeting of Sleepy Hollow I made a post that, although in no way my intention, overtly contributed to the rape culture climate that normalizes and trivializes very serious and very real instances in which people (mostly women) are victimized.   

Intention, of course, does not mitigate offense.

What I wrote was not OK and without qualification or equivocation I apologize.

I’m especially thankful to those of you who reached out to me personally to share your thoughts and engaged in an active dialogue about this issue.  

I also appreciate the perspective of those who continue to throw shade, who are disappointed, who think I’m full of shit/insincere/misogynistic/have no business in fandom/try too hard/etc.

In the words of carnivaloftherandom (whose post on the need to include more diverse voices on this issue was VERY informative to me - http://carnivaloftherandom.tumblr.com/post/80011851294/rainn-has-become-part-of-rape-culture) I will endeavor to FAIL BETTER.

Thanks for your time in reading this note.

Sincerely,

Orlando

holyleonardodicaprio:

it’s gonna be okay now

i’m always on your side

isantbell:

cumberdoom:

papermonocle:

Things I learnt today: During WW1, MI5 used Girl Guides to send secret messages. They used Girl Guides because they quickly found that Boy Scouts couldn’t be trusted and were’t efficient enough.

At the start of the war Boy Scouts were also used. But it quickly became clear that Girl Guides were more efficient because they were less boisterous and talkative.

the boy scouts were too gossipy, so they used girl guides as spies insteadthis is probably the best day of my life

tamorapierce, singelisilverslippers, beanarie, claudiaboleyn, actuallyclintbooton, piandbones, etc.

  • Obi-Wan: Hello, my lady. I...well. I've come here because I believe we need to talk.
  • Padme: I see. Please come in and make yourself comfortable. Would you like a refreshment?
  • Obi-Wan: No, thank you. I would rather keep this brief, if you don't mind.
  • Padme: *frowns slightly* Is something bothering you, Obi-Wan?
  • Obi-Wan: Aside from being thrust into a civil war, you mean?
  • Padme: *laughs lightly* Fair enough.
  • Obi-Wan: Yes...well... *deep sigh. runs a hand through his hair. shifts around in his seat.* I know it's presumptuous of me to ask you this, but I...well, I have some concerns. Did Anakin continue his...advances towards you, when you were alone together on Naboo?
  • Padme: *arches her brows* You're right, Obi-Wan. That is rather presumptuous.
  • Obi-Wan: *another sigh* I know. And I trust your discretion, my lady. *thinking: at least when it comes to this* It's only that...I worry for Anakin. It's obvious that he is very fond of you, and I hope he has not made you feel...uncomfortable. He can be rather forward.
  • Padme: *her expression softens, though inside she feels a rush of guilt. she hates lying, especially to a man she respects as much as Obi-Wan, but she knew she would have to when she agreed to marry Anakin.* He did make a few advances at first, but he stopped once I made it clear that I would not reciprocate his feelings. After that, he was the perfect gentleman.
  • Obi-Wan: *sighs, this time in relief* That's very good to hear. *he smiles weakly* After everything that's happened, he is very lucky to have you as a friend.
  • Padme: As am I. *she smiles back* And to have *you* as a friend, Obi-Wan.
  • Obi-Wan: *is briefly taken-aback, but regains his composure quickly* It's an honor that you would think of me as such, my lady.
  • Padme: Padme.
  • Obi-Wan: ...Padme.
  • Padme: Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay and have something to drink?
  • Obi-Wan: Thank you for the offer, but I fear I've intruded too much on your hospitality already. And at such an uncivilized hour. *he stands and bows* I thank you for your forbearance, and you candor.
  • Padme: *stand as well* It was no trouble at all, Obi-Wan. I know how trying these past few days have been for you. And for Anakin. Your worries are completely understandable. Please -- feel free to come speak with me whenever you wish.
  • Obi-Wan: That is very generous of you, Padme. I know how busy you are given recent developments. *he moves to leave* Farewell.
  • Padme: Oh -- before you leave, there is one thing I wished to ask you.
  • Obi-Wan: *smiles wryly* I suppose that's only fair.
  • Padme: Will I be able to see Anakin soon? I worry for him terribly.
  • Obi-Wan: I will speak to Master Che. I'm sure that he will be well enough to have visitors very soon.
  • Padme: Thank you, Obi-Wan.
  • Obi-Wan: It is no trouble at all. Seeing you will surely raise his spirits. *and with that, he leaves*

shibbbyyy:

People have a knack of really over simplifying feminism like “feminism: the radical notion that women are people” or “feminism is literally just believing in equality” like… no its not its so much more complex than that ask any dingus if they think women and men should be equal they’ll probably say yeah but their actions and thoughts probably majorly contradict that so quit acting like anyones a feminist if they vaguely believe women are ok humans

(via orangepopsicleish)